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2013年11月7日 星期四

一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人...A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA ...

                   

一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人...A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA ...


A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA ...一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人...


One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." 
有一天,一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人,“請送給我一個妹妹。” ...

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
聖誕老人回信給他 ,“好的,把你的母親送給我。”

如何賣 “聖經” HOW TO SELL A BIBLE

                       如何賣 “聖經” HOW TO SELL A BIBLE


                                                   
(看笑話學英語)
HOW TO SELL A BIBLE( 如何賣 “聖經”)

Three boys look for a summer job.
三個男孩尋找一份暑期工作。

Their preacher agrees to let them sell Bibles door to door, ...
他們的傳道師同意讓他們挨家挨戶賣“聖經” ,

學校裡的口紅 LIPSTICK AT SCHOOL

                             學校裡的口紅 LIPSTICK AT SCHOOL

                                                  

(看笑話學英語)
LIPSTICK AT SCHOOL (學校裡的口紅)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. 
據一則新聞報導,最近在華盛頓的某些私立學校面臨著一個獨特的問題。
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstic...k and would put it on in the bathroom.
一些12歲的女孩已經開始使用口紅,並把它放在浴室裡。

不處罰 NO PUNISHMENT

 

                                            不處罰 NO PUNISHMENT

   (看笑話學英語)

NO PUNISHMENT (不處罰)

Boy: Will you punish me for something Ii didn't do?
男孩:你會懲罰我沒有做的事情嗎?
...
Teacher: Of course not!
老師:當然不會!

Boy: I didn't do my homework!
男孩: 我沒有做功課!

小強尼的預測 LITTLE JOHNNY'S PROGNOSIS

                   小強尼的預測 LITTLE JOHNNY'S PROGNOSIS


(看笑話學英語)
LITTLE JOHNNY'S PROGNOSIS 小強尼的預測

                           



A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. 
一位年輕的母親正在諮詢醫生。...
As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
當他們說話的時候,她的小約翰尼可以清楚地被聽見在候診室嚇唬人 - 但她並沒有試圖克制他。

Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing.
不久,他們在隔壁房間聽到一些作響,但她還是什麼也沒做。

神的身份 GOD'S IDENTITY

神的身份 GOD'S IDENTITY

(看笑話學英語)
GOD'S IDENTITY 神的身份
                                                 


One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God.
有一天,一個小男孩問他的媽媽關於上帝的問題。

He asks his mother and ," Is God a boy or a girl?"
他問他的母親," 上帝是男生還是女生?"...

"Well, son, he's a boy and a girl."
"嗯! 他是男生也是一個女孩生。”

Again he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"
他又問他的母親," 上帝是黑人還是白人?

Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he's black and white."
真的不知道該說些什麼,母親只是說,“好吧,兒子,他是黑人也是白人。”

So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn't know that God was Michael Jackson!"
就這樣,小男孩看著他的母親,好像他終於明白,並說,“哦! 我不知道,上帝就是麥克·傑克森!

五分錢和一毛錢 NICKELS AND DIMES

                         五分錢和一毛錢 NICKELS AND DIMES

(看笑話學英語)
                                   

                                                                                                                               

LITTLE JOHNNY... NICKELS AND DIMES 小強尼... 五分錢和一毛錢

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. 
小強尼總是被其他鄰家的男孩們戲弄,因為他是愚蠢的。
...
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
他們最喜歡的笑話是拿一個五分錢和一毛錢讓強尼選擇,強尼總是vm選擇五分錢 。


天堂的棒球運動 BASEBALL IN HEAVEN

看笑話學英語)
BASEBALL IN HEAVEN (天堂的棒球運動 ) 
                                                  


Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons
兩位老人. 安貝和索爾, 坐在公園的長凳上邊餵鴿子
and talking about baseball. ...
邊談論棒球運動。
Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"
安貝轉頭對著索爾問道:你認為天堂有棒球運動嗎?

智叟 WISE OLD MAN

(看笑話學英語)
WISE OLD MAN 智叟
                                           




A retired man moves near a junior high school.
一位退休的人搬家到一所初中學校附近。

He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. ...
最初的前幾個星期,他過著和平與寧靜的退休生活。

However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.
然而,在新學年開始時,三個年輕男孩敲擊著在他們放學回家的路上都會遇到的每個垃圾桶 。


上帝在哪裡? WHERE IS GOD?

                                  WHERE IS GOD? 上帝在哪裡?

(看笑話學英語)                                                                                                                                       
                                          
                                          A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and ten.
                  一對夫婦有兩個淘氣的小男孩,8歲和10歲。

At their wits' end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past....
在他們束手無策後,這對父母聯絡一個位曾經成功糾正 壞孩子行為 的牧師 。

四個外科醫生 Four surgeons

                                 四個外科醫生 Four surgeons 

(看笑話學英語)
                                                               

Four surgeons 四個外科醫生
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whom they like to operate on.

四個外科醫生圍坐在一起討論他們喜歡拿誰來開刀。
The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical... order".

侮辱人的鸚鵡 INSULTING PARROT

                        侮辱人的鸚鵡   INSULTING PARROT

(看笑話學英語)
                                                 
     

      INSULTING PARROT 侮辱人的鸚鵡

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
一位女士走過一家寵物商店時,鸚鵡說,“嘿,小姐,你真難看!”
The lady was angry, but she continued on her way.
這位女士很生 氣,但她繼續往前走!...

討厭的收銀員 NASTY CASHIERS

                                      討厭的收銀員 NASTY CASHIERS

(看笑話學英語)
                                                                             



NASTY CASHIERS 討厭的收銀員

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter.
一家超市裡, 一個傢伙走到收銀員那裏,放了兩罐狗食在櫃檯上。...

The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?"
收銀員問:“你有養狗嗎,先生?”

控制大猩猩 GORILLA CONTROL






(看笑話學英語)
  控制大猩猩GORILLA CONTROL

A man calls Animal Control to get a crazed gorilla off his roof. 
一個人打電話給動物控制處, 請求驅逐他的屋頂 上一隻瘋狂的大猩猩。...

2013年11月6日 星期三

你要讓誰先進來?who do you let in first?

                     你要讓誰先進來?who do you let in first?

(看笑話學英語)



Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
假如你老婆在前門叫門,而你的狗在後門吠,你要讓誰先進來?

A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
當然是狗啦!至少牠進來後就會閉嘴!

青蛙的夢想女孩 FROG'S DREAM GIRL

                   青蛙的夢想女孩              FROG'S DREAM GIRL

(看笑話學英語)
FROG'S DREAM GIRL青蛙的夢想女孩 

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl. 
小青蛙去算命,問他是否會遇到一個年輕的姑娘。

一個無神論者和熊 AN ATHEIST AND A BEAR

                                                 


                                            AN ATHEIST AND A BEAR 一個無神論者和熊

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. 
一個無神論者散步穿過樹林,欣賞進化所創造的一切。

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. 
... “多麼雄偉的樹木!多麼強大的河流!多麼美麗的動物!”,他對自己說。
As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
他沿著河邊走,他聽到了他身後的灌木叢中沙沙作響。


工程師與青蛙 THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG



                                                工程師與青蛙    THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG                                         

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him,
一位工程師過馬路時,一隻青蛙的大聲對他喊:

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
... “如果你吻我,我將會變成一個美麗的公主。”

四老天主教婦女坐著吹噓自己的兒子 Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons.

四老天主教婦女坐著吹噓自己的兒子 Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons.


(看笑話學英語)
Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons.
四老天主教婦女坐著吹噓自己的兒子。 
The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." 第一位信仰天主教的女人告訴她的朋友,“我兒子是個牧師,當他走進房間,...大家都叫他'神父 。”
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'." 

Koala

                                                       Koala 

koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint 

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 
'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a joint. 
After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. 
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river. 
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 
'What's the matter with you?' 
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. 
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint . The crocodile looked up and said, 
'Hey you!' 

The koala looked down at him and said, 

'Shiiiiiiiiiiit,dude.....

How much water did you drink?'

2013年11月5日 星期二

A Sparrow And A Swallow











THE CREATION OF MAN

                                         THE CREATION OF MAN


            God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live 
for 50 years." 
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so. 
     Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, 
to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so. 
           God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree 
to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey
 responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years." And it was so. 
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the 
earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 
years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so. And so God made Man to live 
20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads 
on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and 
eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry. Then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a 
monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren. And it is so.

對不起,我錯了! ~~張湘君(台北師範學院兒童英語教育研究所所長兼系主任)

對不起,我錯了! ~~張湘君(台北師範學院兒童英語教育研究所所長兼系主任)


對不起,我錯了--文:林照真    摘自中國時報
你一定注意到了,台灣現在正陷入一片英語狂熱中,幼兒教育受到單一英語入侵呈現畸形發展, 再加上家長們要孩子「不要輸在起跑點」的迷思,在台灣,不到三歲孩子都在拚命學英文。幼教學界出身的張湘君,不諱言自己也曾經帶著女兒墮入全英語的神話世 界,但當目睹許多怪誕現象發生後,張湘君頓時省悟,如今非常希望能以女兒學美語的苦果為例,喚回更多執迷不悟的父母心。
張湘君是台北師範學院兒童英語教育研究所所長兼系主任,她是幼教專業學者,留美回台後,自 是頗為肯定英語的重要性。雖然現在台灣開始出現美語學習的負面討論,但坦白說,一開始,張湘君不但不反對全面學習美語,她甚至在自己的小女兒身上進行實 驗,想試試藉著「浸泡式學習法」,讓女兒學得一口好英文。

學童學英文 全會才教下一課

                                 學童學英文 全會才教下一課

【聯合報╱記者施鴻基/台東縣報導】
政大英語系教授陳超明(左)、台東縣長黃健庭(右)簽訂英語學習實驗契約。 記者施鴻基/攝影
















讓孩子都熟讀 老師的大挑戰

                                                 讓孩子都熟讀 老師的大挑戰


讓孩子都熟讀 老師的大挑戰
2011/08/17
【聯合報╱記者孫蓉華/台東報導】
參與台東國小英語教學實驗計畫的老師林淑貞(左起)、劉美君、蔡佩玲、林若蕎、陳怡鳳、郭靜雯。 記者孫蓉華/攝影













一個國小英語教學的實驗教學計畫正在後山台東縣悄悄展開,燠熱的夏日午後,沒有了溫泉

墾丁國小校長 把學校變好玩

墾丁國小校長 把學校變好玩

墾丁國小校長 把學校變好玩
【聯合報╱記者潘欣中/屏東縣報導】
獲教育部今年度校長領導卓越獎的屏東縣墾丁國小校長羅秋祝(左),她屢有治學新點子。 記者潘欣中/攝影
「放開傳統的束縛,玩一所好玩的學校,多麼快意!」屏東縣恆春鎮墾丁國小校長羅秋祝顛覆傳統治學理念,用創意為孩子打造不一樣的學校,她突破窠臼的作法,榮獲教育部今年度校長卓越領導獎。
羅秋祝的作法,包括不讓考試成為孩子的壓力,把2天的月考拉長到5天,改稱「評量周」;請老師設計生活性的創意試題,訓練孩子的應用能力,讓「孩子會運算,就懂得運用」。另依不同年齡測驗綁鞋帶、縫鈕釦等生活知能,每學期最後1天頒獎鼓勵表現佳的孩子,不設分數排名。
此外,她還取消學校圍牆、用草地取代紅土跑道、師生集體用餐、學校設立安親班等。
57歲的羅秋祝畢業自屏東師專、師範大學教研所,對分數導向的教育方式不以為然,滿腦子顛覆傳統的治學理念,14年前派任墾丁國小時,就想把學校「玩出新花樣」。
還有兩年就要退休的羅秋祝,3年前又請調回墾丁,把最後一段教職生涯獻給偏鄉的墾丁孩子。除了將墾丁國小打造出海洋特色,又引進英語村、結合社區推動假日學校,點子推陳出新,樂壞了孩子。

如何克服學英語的恐懼?

                                             如何克服學英語的恐懼?


                                                   
Jerry  某補習班學了五六年英語, Clement 某外籍老師教的補習班學了約三年英語Amy 某補習班學了約三 年英語,John也在某補習班學了約四年英語他們剛轉入我的教室來之前只會說一些簡單的字或句子,不會拼音,背單字覺得很辛苦,自己無法 唸句子,厭惡恐懼英語 ,我安撫他們說:『不要害怕,老師會把學英語變簡喔!』


              我
開始密集教他們發音課程和簡單的文法,,經過一個多月的練習,他們就可以自 己唸單字與句子與文章,背單字與句子也覺得輕鬆 多了,不再討厭與害怕英文,孩子也變的更有自信!
         許多老師對於發音教學都快快教過去,而急急地教學生會話或文法,事實上,根據我們多年的經驗與觀察,這常是欲速則不達,多數學生是無法只跟著老師唸就能記住大量的單字與句子,今天學會的單字和句子可能下次就忘了,如果學生連單字都背不清楚,要學生理解文法就更困難了,而許多文法也和發音有關連,所以,培養學生句備己唸單字.句子與文章的能力,才能事半功倍!
  或許有些老師認為發音很難教,學生記不住,事實上是一般教材的設計,都只教單音,學生只能跟著老師唸,缺乏拼音的練習,學生當然難以學會拼音,但是,如果能將英文單字經由適當的排列組合,  由單字中練習拼音, 多數學生都可輕鬆地學會拼音喔!

如何一個月讓高中生從30 分到60 分?

                               如何一個月讓高中生從30 分到60 分?



如何一個月讓高中生從30 分到60 分?

Amy 在高二時來學習,媽媽說:『從小學一年級就開始補美語,國中ㄧ年級時還考90分以上,後來就一直跌下

來,到高中
只剩30分左右,希望能補習通過全民英檢初級!』, 經過測試,她不會拼音,也缺乏國二以上的文法

概念,黃老
師安排她上相當國二程度的班級,另外為她 加強拼音課程,一個月後後,學校的月考,她考了60 分,

媽媽不可置信地說:『 碰巧好運吧!效果不可能這麼快!』,第二次的月考,Am
y考了65 分,媽媽終 終於相

信是效果好不是 碰巧!
  ( 關鍵是學生在一個月期間學會了拼音,能快速記住單字,也有能力去理解文法!)

如何從零分到九十分?

  Jack 小學升四年級暑假時來學英語 ,學了約兩個月後,媽媽來告訴我,「Jack以前在學校的

考試成績都不好,老師可不可以幫他補學校的課程?」我委婉地對媽媽解釋:「媽媽!!對不起,我

們這個班級裡還有二三年級的小朋友 ,我不能單獨教四年級的課程,而且那種死讀死背的方式效果很

不好,請你稍微忍耐一下,讓我專心好好教發音,等他發音學到一個程度,他的成績就會進步了!」,過

了約一個多月 的某一天 ,JACK一進教室就對我說:「老師!我這次月考英文考80 分噎!」,雖然

我心理認為考80 分 不是很好,我還是裝出很高興的表情說:「哇! 好棒 !」,接著Jack又說了:

「老師! 我告訴你!我以前英文都是交白卷的啦!」, 這時,我真的高興起來,他真的進步很快,可喜

可賀,後來學校的考試,Jack 就都能考到九十幾分以上了!從此Jack的媽媽總是笑咪咪,還常送點心

來給我!



KK音標的教導

                                             KK音標的教導


自 由 廣 場
教英語,外來和尚會念經?
◎蘇麗淑
 對於教育部開放外籍師資來教國小,就個人而言,我很高興, 以後能多些機會結交外國友人;就英語文教師的立場,我卻不得不說誠實話。我在高中進修部任教,學生中有些自幼上雙語幼稚園、英語班好幾年,到了高中卻一點程度都沒有。「你總該有些印象吧?」「那時就玩玩遊戲,那麼久了怎記得?」而在國中遇到負責的英語教師(肯教KK音標)的同學反而跟得上課程。不管我在那任教,會KK音標的同學,五個手指數得還剩一、二支,而且這些會KK音標的同學都很快跟上課程。畢竟高中、國中教材仍以KK音標為主要發音符號。許多國中老師常以為學童在坊間已學 過,而草草帶過。