在小地方不認真的人, Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters

Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters 在小地方不認真的人,

（名言佳句學英語）

“Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either.”
( Albert Einstein )

在小地方不認真的人, 難以相信足堪大任。
(艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦)

你必須學習比賽的規則 You have to learn the rules of the game

           You have to learn the rules of the game 你必須學習比賽的規則

（名言佳句學英語）   

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”
( Albert Einstein )

你必須學習比賽的規則, 然後你必能打的比別人更好。 (艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦)

每個人都該以一個獨立的個體而受到尊重 Everyone should be respected as an individual

Everyone should be respected as an individual 每個人都該以一個獨立的個體而受到尊重

（名言佳句學英語）
“Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized.” ( Albert Einstein )
每個人都該以一個獨立的個體而受到尊重, 但是沒有人該被偶像化。 
(艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦)

並非我天資聰穎 It's not that I'am so smart.

                                     並非我天資聰穎    It's not that I'am so smart.  

                                                                     

（名言佳句學英語）

It's not that I'am so smart. It's just that I stay  with problems longer. ( Albert Einstein )

並非我天資聰穎,只是因為我對問題鍥而不捨。 (艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦) 

暴力無法維護和平 Peace cannot be kept by force

                     Peace cannot be kept by force 暴力無法維護和平

                               

名言佳句學英語)

“Peace cannot be kept by force,  it can only be achieved by understanding.”

 ( Albert Einstein )

暴力無法維護和平，只有同理心才得以致之。

 (艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦) 

世界是一個危險的地方 The world is a dangerous place.

The world is a dangerous place. 世界是一個危險的地方

(名言佳句學英語)
The world is a dangerous place. Not because of the people who are evil; but because of the people who don't do anything about it.”
( Albert Einstein )世界是一個危險的地方. 不是因為邪惡的人,而是因為人們漠視邪惡之人。(艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦)

假如你想要生活的快樂 If you want to live a happy life

                  If you want to live a happy life 假如你想要生活的快樂

                                                    

名言佳句學英語)
“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
假如你想要生活的快樂,要緊繫於一個目標,而非人或事務。
(艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦)

“Waste not, want not.” 「不浪費就不匱乏」

                                     

(名言佳句學英語)

   “Waste not, want not.” 「不浪費就不匱乏」

向昨日學習 Learn from yesterday

(名言佳句
學英語)
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. ( Albert Einstein ) 向昨日學習,為今日而活, 對明日懷抱希望. (艾爾伯特.愛因斯坦)

屍體的滋味 Corpsalicious! (看笑話學英語)

                                            屍體的滋味  Corpsalicious! 

看笑話學英語)
Corpsalicious! 屍體的滋味 

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.''
一天一位醫學教授和他班級的學生站立在一個屍體前， 教授說， "做為一個醫療辯論家有二件事要注意。 首先： 不要恐懼任何事。"

After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it.
在說完那句話以後，教授用他的中指碰了屍體的肛門,並且舔了舔手指。

He then told the class to do the same.
然後他告訴的學生們照樣做。

After hesitating, they all did it.
在猶豫了一下以後，他們全都照樣做了 。

''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.''
"其次， "教授說， "您必須有一個敏銳的觀察力。 因此，我剛才舔的是我的食指。"

一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人...A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA ...

                   

一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人...A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA ...

A LITTLE BOY WROTE TO SANTA ...一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人...


One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." 
有一天，一個小男孩寫信給聖誕老人，“請送給我一個妹妹。” ...

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
聖誕老人回信給他 ，“好的，把你的母親送給我。”

如何賣 “聖經” HOW TO SELL A BIBLE

                       如何賣 “聖經” HOW TO SELL A BIBLE

                                                   

(看笑話學英語)
HOW TO SELL A BIBLE( 如何賣 “聖經”)

Three boys look for a summer job.
三個男孩尋找一份暑期工作。
Their preacher agrees to let them sell Bibles door to door, ...
他們的傳道師同意讓他們挨家挨戶賣“聖經” ，

學校裡的口紅 LIPSTICK AT SCHOOL

                             學校裡的口紅 LIPSTICK AT SCHOOL

                                                  

(看笑話學英語)
LIPSTICK AT SCHOOL (學校裡的口紅)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. 
據一則新聞報導，最近在華盛頓的某些私立學校面臨著一個獨特的問題。
A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstic...k and would put it on in the bathroom.
一些12歲的女孩已經開始使用口紅，並把它放在浴室裡。

不處罰 NO PUNISHMENT

 

                                            不處罰 NO PUNISHMENT

   (看笑話學英語)

NO PUNISHMENT (不處罰)

Boy: Will you punish me for something Ii didn't do?
男孩：你會懲罰我沒有做的事情嗎？
...
Teacher: Of course not!
老師：當然不會!

Boy: I didn't do my homework!
男孩: 我沒有做功課！

小強尼的預測 LITTLE JOHNNY'S PROGNOSIS

                   小強尼的預測 LITTLE JOHNNY'S PROGNOSIS

(看笑話學英語)
LITTLE JOHNNY'S PROGNOSIS 小強尼的預測

                           

A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. 
一位年輕的母親正在諮詢醫生。...
As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
當他們說話的時候，她的小約翰尼可以清楚地被聽見在候診室嚇唬人 - 但她並沒有試圖克制他。

Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing.
不久，他們在隔壁房間聽到一些作響，但她還是什麼也沒做。

神的身份 GOD'S IDENTITY

神的身份 GOD'S IDENTITY

(看笑話學英語)
GOD'S IDENTITY 神的身份
                                                 

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God.
有一天，一個小男孩問他的媽媽關於上帝的問題。

He asks his mother and ," Is God a boy or a girl?"
他問他的母親，" 上帝是男生還是女生?"...

"Well, son, he's a boy and a girl."
"嗯! 他是男生也是一個女孩生。”

Again he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"
他又問他的母親，" 上帝是黑人還是白人?

Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he's black and white."
真的不知道該說些什麼，母親只是說，“好吧，兒子，他是黑人也是白人。”

So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn't know that God was Michael Jackson!"
就這樣，小男孩看著他的母親，好像他終於明白，並說，“哦! 我不知道，上帝就是麥克·傑克森！

五分錢和一毛錢 NICKELS AND DIMES

                         五分錢和一毛錢 NICKELS AND DIMES

(看笑話學英語)
                                   

                                                                                                                               

LITTLE JOHNNY... NICKELS AND DIMES 小強尼... 五分錢和一毛錢

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. 
小強尼總是被其他鄰家的男孩們戲弄,因為他是愚蠢的。
...
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
他們最喜歡的笑話是拿一個五分錢和一毛錢讓強尼選擇,強尼總是vm選擇五分錢 。

天堂的棒球運動 BASEBALL IN HEAVEN

看笑話學英語）

BASEBALL IN HEAVEN (天堂的棒球運動 ) 

                                                  

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons
兩位老人. 安貝和索爾, 坐在公園的長凳上邊餵鴿子
and talking about baseball. ...
邊談論棒球運動。
Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"
安貝轉頭對著索爾問道:你認為天堂有棒球運動嗎?

智叟 WISE OLD MAN

（看笑話學英語）
WISE OLD MAN 智叟
                                           

A retired man moves near a junior high school.
一位退休的人搬家到一所初中學校附近。

He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. ...
最初的前幾個星期,他過著和平與寧靜的退休生活。

However, when a new school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school.
然而，在新學年開始時，三個年輕男孩敲擊著在他們放學回家的路上都會遇到的每個垃圾桶 。

上帝在哪裡？ WHERE IS GOD?

                                  WHERE IS GOD? 上帝在哪裡？

（看笑話學英語）                                                                                                                                       
                                          

                                          A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and ten.
                  一對夫婦有兩個淘氣的小男孩，8歲和10歲。

At their wits' end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past....
在他們束手無策後，這對父母聯絡一個位曾經成功糾正 壞孩子行為 的牧師 。

四個外科醫生 Four surgeons

                                 四個外科醫生 Four surgeons 

(看笑話學英語）

                                                               

Four surgeons 四個外科醫生
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whom they like to operate on.

四個外科醫生圍坐在一起討論他們喜歡拿誰來開刀。

The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical... order".

侮辱人的鸚鵡 INSULTING PARROT

                        侮辱人的鸚鵡   INSULTING PARROT

（看笑話學英語）

                                                 

     

      INSULTING PARROT 侮辱人的鸚鵡

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
一位女士走過一家寵物商店時，鸚鵡說，“嘿，小姐，你真難看！”
The lady was angry, but she continued on her way.
這位女士很生 氣，但她繼續往前走!...

討厭的收銀員 NASTY CASHIERS

                                      討厭的收銀員 NASTY CASHIERS

(看笑話學英語)
                                                                             

NASTY CASHIERS 討厭的收銀員

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter.
一家超市裡, 一個傢伙走到收銀員那裏,放了兩罐狗食在櫃檯上。...

The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?"
收銀員問：“你有養狗嗎，先生？”

控制大猩猩 GORILLA CONTROL

(看笑話學英語)
  控制大猩猩GORILLA CONTROL

A man calls Animal Control to get a crazed gorilla off his roof. 
一個人打電話給動物控制處, 請求驅逐他的屋頂 上一隻瘋狂的大猩猩。...

你要讓誰先進來?who do you let in first?

                     你要讓誰先進來?who do you let in first?

(看笑話學英語)

Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
假如你老婆在前門叫門,而你的狗在後門吠,你要讓誰先進來?

A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
當然是狗啦!至少牠進來後就會閉嘴!

青蛙的夢想女孩 FROG'S DREAM GIRL

                   青蛙的夢想女孩              FROG'S DREAM GIRL

（看笑話學英語)

FROG'S DREAM GIRL青蛙的夢想女孩 

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl. 
小青蛙去算命，問他是否會遇到一個年輕的姑娘。

一個無神論者和熊 AN ATHEIST AND A BEAR

                                                 

                                            AN ATHEIST AND A BEAR 一個無神論者和熊

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. 
一個無神論者散步穿過樹林，欣賞進化所創造的一切。

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. 
... “多麼雄偉的樹木！多麼強大的河流！多麼美麗的動物！”，他對自己說。
As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
他沿著河邊走，他聽到了他身後的灌木叢中沙沙作響。

工程師與青蛙 THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG

                                                工程師與青蛙    THE ENGINEER AND THE FROG                                         

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him,
一位工程師過馬路時，一隻青蛙的大聲對他喊:

"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
... “如果你吻我，我將會變成一個美麗的公主。”

四老天主教婦女坐著吹噓自己的兒子 Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons.

四老天主教婦女坐著吹噓自己的兒子 Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons.

(看笑話學英語)
Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons.
四老天主教婦女坐著吹噓自己的兒子。 
The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." 第一位信仰天主教的女人告訴她的朋友，“我兒子是個牧師，當他走進房間，...大家都叫他'神父 。”
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'." 

Koala

                                                       Koala 

koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint 

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 
'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a joint. 
After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. 
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river. 
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 
'What's the matter with you?' 
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. 
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint . The crocodile looked up and said, 
'Hey you!' 

The koala looked down at him and said, 

'Shiiiiiiiiiiit,dude.....

How much water did you drink?'